It’s December 27, 2017. Carrie Fisher passed away a year ago today.
I’m not okay.
I wish I could say something poignant about Carrie’s legacy and the work she did to dismantle saneism, but I’m not okay. Today can be summed up with the phrase “I put on glittery eyeshadow in the spirit of #glitterforCarrie, but I cried it off”. I’ll avoid getting too personal in this entry because…well, the focus shouldn’t be on me, but my own mental illnesses are kicking my ass. I haven’t been able to write.
But I did write–weirdly enough, considering the date–27 entries this year (excepting this one), about some topics that I feel are important. And, while I still don’t know what I’m doing with this blog even a year later, I still have some other ideas for things to write about:
-what self-care is
-neurotypicalism in the medical-industrial complex and academia
-how to be a good ally to MI people
-how “the opioid epidemic” is really a war on pain patients
-dual diagnosis and ableism against addicts
-the idea of immaturity and ableism
-models of disability and why I favor the complex embodiment model
-that terrifying ableist pro-eugenics piece of shit book To Siri With Love
So I haven’t given up. I have come scarily close to giving up on life, but…well, to be sappy as fuck but honest, thinking about how Carrie would want me to hold on keeps me going. And I’m going to keep this blog going as long as I can.
For you, Carrie. You were brave, talented, brilliant, badass, unapologetic, and a beacon of hope to mentally ill women everywhere. You did so much good, and I hope you know how many people’s lives you touched.
I miss you.
Carrie Fisher quote of the day, which I chose because think it’s apropos: “You know what’s funny about death? I mean other than absolutely nothing at all? You’d think we could remember finding out we weren’t immortal. Sometimes I see children sobbing at airports and I think, ‘Aww. They’ve just been told.’”