Misogynableism

Content/trigger warning: misogynableism (of course), cisheterosexism, exorsexism, violent ableism, sexual assault, ableist slurs, cursing

A while ago, I wrote an entry on emotional sensitivity and neurotypicalism. It contained the following quote:

“Anyway, let me give an example. Well, an intersectional example. ‘Hysteria’ used to be a mental illness. Women were actually diagnosed as ‘hysterical’ for, well, having strong feelings. Specifically, these feelings included anxiety, irritability, and nervousness. Oh, and sexually forward behavior. The term ‘hysteria’ was used because those dishing out the diagnosis literally believed that having a uterus caused the ‘mental illness’, and hysterectomies were sometimes carried out as treatment. (I’m mostly referring to what was happening to women in England and the States during the industrial era.) In any case, to this day, women are referred to as ‘hysterical’ when we are upset in order to delegitimize our feelings. This is an example of misogynableism: the intersection between misogyny and ableism. The use of the insult ‘hysteria’ is meant to undercut a woman’s experiences by insinuating that she is mentally ill, therefore her experiences and feelings about them can be ignored.”

Of course, there are women without uteruses and people with uteruses who are not women, but the Victorian-era white English and Statesians didn’t know that, and I stand by the assessment that “hysterical” is a misogynableist term. And I decided to do an entry on misogynableism.

If you’ve ever heard the phrase “don’t stick your dick in crazy”—with all its cisheterosexist assumptions intact—you’ve been exposed to misogynableism. No one ever says—again, with the cisheterosexist assumptions—“don’t let crazy stick their dick in you”. No, the big, scary problem is that the woman might be mentally ill.

The cisheterosexism in that example is starting to make me feel ill, so let’s move on to another example: the “hot, sane, single” meme. I had the misfortune of having to Google “hot, sane, single” for this entry as research, and DAMN did I find some doozies. Quotes from the execrable Tucker Max’s books. Reddit threads (naturally). YouTube videos. More traditional meme images. The idea of “hot, sane, single” is…ah hell this one’s heterosexist too. Why does the world suck? (Rhetorical question.) Anyway, the idea of “hot, sane, single” is that, according to misogynableist straight men, there is a problem among women that they can only be two of that trifecta. So yes, this is misogynist as fuck, and the fact that “sane” is one of the desirable traits makes it misogynableist.

A third example is a nerdy one, so bear with me. I play World of Warcraft. There’s a character in WoW called Jaina Proudmoore, and she was one of the few leaders in the game who was a known peacemonger, despite her interpersonal relationships being something of a Trauma Conga Line. And then her home—her entire fucking island—was destroyed. Horribly. And she experienced severe trauma from the event to the degree that her previously blonde hair turned white. Understandably, she decided to renounce her peaceful ways. She performed several morally questionable (at best) actions that were obvious to me as stemming from untreated—and, sadly, because Blizzard can’t write WoW women, yes I went there—uncontrolled (as in the character herself seemed to be making no attempt to rein in destructive impulses) PTSD. Rage at the source (or perceived source) of trauma is a lesser known PTSD symptom, but boy fucking howdy is it a symptom. Not to mention any actual character development of Jaina’s is ignored in the writing, which focuses only on her rage at her enemies, i.e., her PTSD symptoms.

Anyway, one of the quest rewards one can get in WoW is a picture of Jaina Proudmoore with blonde hair, and the description of it is “before she went crazy”. First of all, Blizz, you were the ones who wrote Jaina’s behavior, so fuck you for insulting her acting the way you decided to portray her. The portrayal itself is pretty misogynableist; using a female character as a prop to make players of one faction believe that the other faction is bad, all while calling obvious PTSD a saneist slur. (Yes, other WoW players, I know I simplified Jaina’s story, but…come on, you know WoW lore. I had to.)

The next example is a terrifying and depressing one, so hold on to your asses. Disabled women are twice as likely to be abused—sexually and otherwise—than their abled counterparts. And while Disabled people overall are three times more likely than abled people to be sexually assaulted at least once, the rate at which Disabled women are sexually assaulted is 83%. You read that right. Eighty-three percent of Disabled women will experience at least one sexual assault in their lifetime. If you want a direct comparison between men and women (I know, I know, exorsexist, but I couldn’t find stats on sexual assault of Disabled nonbinary people), 80% of ID/DD women will experience one sexual assault in their lifetime, compared to 30% of ID/DD men. Oh, right, source.

I’m super low on fuel right now, but I also want to mention fetishization of mentally ill women. “Why are the hot ones always crazy?”. Weird and creepy bullshit about how maybe you’re not supposed to stick your dick in crazy, but the crazy girls are better in bed. Recent depictions of Harley Quinn, especially in Suicide Squad. I…uh…there are probably more. Can’t think of any right now, but the next time you see one, think about those sexual assault statistics.

Of course, none of this even touches the intersections with queerness, race, religion, class, and more, but I decided to write about–or at least, start with–two axes I was most familiar with. You bet your ass I could write about how being a queer woman intersects with ableism. And intersections really need to be discussed more, because there’s no dismantling ableism without dismantling white supremacy, heteronormativity, capitalism, etc. Perhaps more on that later; I’m hoping I can get some guest bloggers who experience oppression that I don’t to help me with that.

Oh, right, and I have a Patreon now! https://www.patreon.com/ARZinzani If you’re learning from my blog, please consider supporting me. You’ll even get to vote on what other entries I write or, at higher tiers, request topics for me to write about.

Disability Day of Mourning 2018

Content/trigger warning: murder of Disabled people by their caregivers, violent ableism, mention of sick pet

Today is March 1. Disability Day of Mourning. Why is it that I never have anything poignant and impactful to say on the days when I really, really should?

Oh, well. Here we go anyway.

For those who don’t know, Disability Day of Mourning is a candlelight vigil held by several disability self-advocacy groups, including ASAN (Autistic Self-Advocacy Network, which is the organization that actually keeps track of the data) and Not Dead Yet, at which the names of all the Disabled people who were murdered by their caregivers are read. Vigils are held all over the United States, and there is also a virtual vigil that happens online. Speeches are also given, and poems are read, at least during the virtual vigil. One year, I contributed a poem I wrote and a video of myself performing Delain’s song “We Are the Others”.

I can’t go. My job has shitty benefits, including not enough time off, and my pay will be docked if I miss work. I need the money for vet bills; my ESA needs surgery. (She should be okay.) It’s not that relevant, but I’m experiencing a ton of internalized ableism due to my inability to attend such an important event; I feel like I’m a bad activist. More relevant, though, is what I felt when I listened to the list of names: “There are so many”. And this year, over 100 cases of filicide of Disabled people by their caregivers were reported. That’s 550 murders since the inception of DDoM five years ago. One disabled person murdered by someone who was supposed to love and accept them every three days.

But so many abled people don’t find this as horrifying as I do. They think that the lives of Disabled people are not worth living. They pity and sympathize with our murderers. They insist that our disabilities must have made our lives so hellish that our murders are mercy killings. They wail and whinge about how hard it must be for a parent to have a child who is Disabled and they would have done the same thing. This is one of the most egregious forms of ableism I know of: our lives are seen as more tragic than our deaths.

“But Mara,” I can hear the abled fuckwads saying, “what about low-functioning Autistic people? Their lives are tragic!”

No Autistic life is tragic; abled people just don’t fucking understand us. They don’t understand that functioning labels are arbitrary and useless at best, dehumanizing at worst. I’ve played this game on this blog before, but let’s play again. It’s called A Tale of Two Autistic People.

Autistic Person Number One:
-Can’t keep a living space clean
-Can’t drive
-Doesn’t know when she’s thirsty
-Has no sense of time
-Has screaming, self-injurious meltdowns
-Can’t always speak
-Can’t handle personal finance
-Stims when distressed
-Is frightened by eye contact
-Has difficulties with executive function

Autistic Person Number Two:
-Has a master’s degree
-Is a member of MENSA
-Is able to care for a pet
-Works full-time
-Is capable of feeding themselves
-Has won awards for writing
-Has an excellent memory
-Is a skilled musician
-Holds a rank of third-degree black belt in a martial art
-Always looks put together

Which person is low-functioning and which person is high-functioning? Surprise: they’re both me. “Low-functioning” denies agency; “high-functioning” denies support. And regardless of what bullshit functioning label we get slapped with, all of our lives are worth living, even in this rancid ableist garbage fire of a society. And that doesn’t only apply to Autistic people. Disabled lives are worth living, and on Disability Day of Mourning, we honor those lives that ended too early because someone who should have accepted them for who they were didn’t understand that.

Anyway, I’m not here to debate the finer points of eugenics. I’m here to, as they say, “Mourn the dead. Fight like hell for the living.” I couldn’t go to the vigil. But I’ll try to keep fighting.

Oh, and in case anyone is interested, here’s my poem. It is specifically about how harmful messages from Autism $peaks like their go-fuck-yourself horrendous video “Autism Every Day” directly result in ableist filicide. It’s called “Anthem for April”, but I think it’s appropriate now.

Don’t reduce me to the puzzle piece you find ugly and malign
And the part of me your narrow typical mind can condone
The puzzle piece I find ugly is the ubiquitous blue design
Alex Spourdalakis’ and Katie McCarron’s mass-produced tombstone

From its azure knobs and corners drips blood only we can see
And I am not a mysterious conundrum or tragic riddle to be solved
Set fire to the bigoted texts written about children like me
And know we grow into adults with internalized bigotry unresolved

I am dismissed as if eye contact with danger didn’t fill me with dread
You think your degree gives you the right to decide my identity
Not that nor a family member nor a psych class puts you inside my head
How many letters must follow my name before you will listen to me?